Reading: My voice as a tarotista

I have been playing around with the Orphalese Tarot software — trying to figure out if I can use it as a way to store and organize my tarot spreads (I can’t — it seems). I’m really digging the software as a way to illustrate readings without having to take an actual photo of my reading space (which is, un-mystically enough, sometimes the space between the edge of my computer desk and the keyboard I’m typing on). I can throw cards in person, call up the spread I’m using in Orphalese and attach the cards I pulled (or I could have the computer randomly pick cards of course) and then type up notes and have a fancy diagram and everything to add to a journal or send with a reading.

When I was going through the notebook of tarot spreads I’ve collected and hastily scribbled down, I found a three card spread that gives advice regarding one’s voice as a reader. I pulled the three cards with my Morgan-Greer and here’s what I came up with (as illustrated in Orphalese):

The first position refers to my strengths as a reader. The seven of pentacles is telling me that I’ve done my homework here. I’ve put in my dues and I’m on the brink of finding the payoff. I find tarot to be personally satisfying and fulfilling and because of the years I’ve spent studying and in personal practice — planting the seeds of success, I have the confidence it takes as a professional. And there’s even more still to reap. This card is a process card. It’s not necessarily an outcome right now. I’ve got the Lenormand on deck and two other tarots I’m developing in conceptual phases. This card is telling me that there is no reason to believe I’ll fail so long as I keep growing what I most love.

The second position refers to my weaknesses as a tarot reader and this card is (obviously) the Lovers. As an aside — I really love this card. I think it’s one of the greatest Lovers cards in all the decks I’ve ever seen — hairy bum and all… In many ways I can see my relationship to tarot as an affair. And like affairs, it wanes and cycles. Often in the fall and winter when I’m kept indoors more often I find myself turning to the cards — and then, once spring hits, all I want to do is go out in the garden. Love is fickle — and at times, my voice as a reader is also fickle. I fall passionately for a deck one day only to give it away the next. I keep questing for the mythical “ONE” tarot deck. My feelings on reading for others cool when I experience burn-out. And the Lover’s card often indicates that a conscious choice is being made. I know that when I’m totally obsessed with tarot I leave my crafting self in the dust — and vice versa. When I’m working on the Lenormand or reading for myself, I feel guilty for not playing with the kids — and when I spend a whole day with my kids, I get itchy to shuffle cards. Love is often misunderstood as well, and as a reader, I sometimes hesitate to try to “explain myself” to people who just don’t see a value for tarot in their lives (or worse, fear it). I don’t want other people to judge my relationship with tarot and I’m ill prepared to defend it if necessary.

The third card reveals the tension or dynamic between the two. I find the four of pentacles in the Morgan-Greer especially to be a mixed bag. On the one hand, I see this card telling me that I’m steadfast in my practice and that I’ll hold on to tarot in my life as long as I can. On the other, I see this card as a bit of a warning that my “all-or-nothing” attitude holds me back. I need to work on establishing a practice that works with my life as it is — and does not compete with my other selves (the mother, the artist). I also think this card is telling me to not be so defensive and try to trust that the people who will reject me for my love of tarot probably wouldn’t fit in my life anyway.

So that’s my reading for today — and quite typical of my three card readings anyway. I’d love to hear any comments or insights any other readers might offer. What is your voice as a tarot reader?

If you don’t read cards, which version of “you” would you benefit the most from learning about? I can see myself pulling cards for myself as a crafter, as a mother, as a student, as a writer…